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Jeber Jabber...Calm down -- it's only ones and zeroes.
	Behind every good computer... is a jumble of wires 'n stuff
	This is the main page of my website. With two blogs and a page of my bad computer advice, there isn't much original content left to put here. So this page will act as a portal to all the weirdness I've created and discovered. Greetings to you all.
	See, if I do write something of value here, it's like cheating on my blogs. And you know how blogs get when they find out you've been cheating on them. They can be so petty. They seem to think they're so special. Like I can't have an original thought posted anywhere else on the web. Thank goodness they're on other URLs and shouldn't be able to see this page. If they ever do, and I write anything of value here, it will get ugly. To prevent all out war between the blogs and this page, I'll need to make sure nothing I write here is of any value. I think you'll agree I'm doing well so far.

Please visit my friends	I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not, I think
	I'm new to the practice of blogging, and web page design, for that matter. I have no doubt you've noticed that for yourself. It seems blogs take three general forms. There are those which are basically personal in nature. Online diaries, if you will. Some are actually so personal I have to wonder if the author realizes how many odd and slightly disturbed individuals are reading them. Like me. Hoo boy, I tell you. If I were to meet one of those authors on the street, I'd blush...deeply. And introduce myself.
	The second form of blog is my favorite, and best exemplified by blogs like Slashdot, BoingBoing and Fark, blogs that have become alternate reality news sources. They are so successful, and so many people contribute to them, they hardly seem like blogs anymore. They are the blogs I enjoy reading the most.

Really Bad Computer Advice	A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without a banana tied to its head.
	Then there are the blogs like mine. With proper inspiration and adequate plagiarism, I hope one day they can evolve into blogs like BoingBoing. And I hope to grow up to be as wealthy as Bill Gates with the personality of George Carlin, or maybe Steven Wright. I'd also like to have a cool sports car and a house in the mountains. Maybe a Jaguar...and a split level cabin on ten acres. A black Jag. A rustic cabin, with a hot tub.
	I started writing bad computer advice because I belonged to a forum in which there was a wealth of really good advice being dispensed every day, and well, I just couldn't compete in that arena. I needed to find my niche, my own voice. I needed to share what I knew best; what not to do with your computer. Despite how it may appear, writing bad advice is not easy. I spend seconds of time researching my many computer books, consulting various informative web sites and speaking to people with years of experience working on a variety of systems...then getting roaring drunk, downing a handful of expired medication of dubious origin, and once my remaining brain cells are sufficiently addled, staggering around the house until by some miracle I find not only my computer chair, but also my keyboard, and manage to find enough of the right keys to compose what passes for an entry. I am truly dedicated to my art.

My Blog My Other Blog FAQs	Calculating in binary code is as easy as 01,10,11.
	I feel I may have a real future in the dispensation of bad computer advice. I mean, let's face it, no one ever really pays attention to, or retains, any of the really good advice they're given. I see it happen every day. After making such a mess of their system that there isn't a chance in hell anything short of a miracle will ever get it right again, the exasperated user finally admits defeat and seeks the council of the wise and friendly forum gurus. The user's first post is usually something like this: "I'm trying to install one of those drive things on the green board inside my computer, and then when I turn it on, I get a bunch of error messages and nothing else happens. Can anyone help me, right now, because this is my mom's computer and she's going to kill me if this isn't fixed in ten minutes?" The gurus, because they genuinely want to help this poor soul, begin to ask a series of questions in a usually vain attempt to find out the specifications of the user's mom's computer. The user, having not a clue, posts back with all sorts of useless information, often spelled in BBS style, so that the gurus are trying to diagnose the problem based on such intelligence as, "I think it's a P3, 400W intel cpu w/ a grn brd & u no a tv on it & sum more stuff tht i no she aded later, dude. Oh yeah, & a killer vid crd tht wurks reel good w/ quake." 27 posts later the user is told to be sure the computer is plugged in, and lo and behold, that turns out to be the whole problem, except for the major physical damage done by the user before they decided to ask the gurus for help.
	I, on the other hand, have no need to go into the details of what sort of system the user has or what the exact problem is. It doesn't matter. Since my advice will only make any problem worse and finish the destruction begun by the user, it really doesn't matter at what point we begin. What is important is how many power tools are at the users disposal, and whether or not they know how to find me later. This is why a throw-away email address is so important in my line of work. Give me a clueless user with a good set of power tools, no computer knowledge and a desire to follow my every direction, and I can work wonders. In fact, most of the people I've advised later wonder; "how did I get into this?... why did I listen to that moron?... what am I going to tell my mom?" Those are all good questions, and if I were foolish enough to let them find me again, I might even be forced to answer them.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.	IMPORTANT: This webpage is intended for the entertainment of the individual reading it and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended audience, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this the above content is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social fauxpas. No animals were harmed in the creation of this webpage, although the mutt next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.


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